My Journal: Come Down

*I write my journal as a letter to Father (God). I write and he responds. 
I think what I experience in life is so common. It would be my hope that my journal entries would encourage others. 
Just a little background to this entry: I have spent the week mulling over old pain and loss and disappointments. God has been faithful to bring encouragement...and some discipline. 

Father,

People talk about perspective like it helps you see the good. I think it helps you see the truth but not necessarily the good.

Like, I'm sitting on the top deck overlooking the backyard and I can see more clearly the mess and the disrepair. It's ugly and chaotic. It would need so much work to make it beautiful.

(He interrupts)
"You only feel hopeless because you're powerless to change it. Otherwise you would look from that perspective and feel better advised on what needs to be done. As you progressed through the list of repairs you would feel encouraged by looking out from a higher perspective."

"I have not called you to climb the mountain and look out over your life and to evaluate things. Come down from there! You are powerless to change what you see. I restore, rebuild, work things for good. I have the power to change it.

"Go down from here. I have made a place for you to rest. You rest, I will work."

Learning to Walk: The Main Thing

I've been especially challenged lately on what I thought was The Main Thing vs. what is The Main Thing. I remember sitting with dear friends earlier this year and the wife passionately saying that more than anything she wanted a relationship with the Father. It offended my mind. I thought it was a good christian thing to say. I want that too but isn't it most important to spread the gospel, heal the sick and etc.? She understood a truth I couldn't yet grasp. 

Since I was young my desire has been to fulfill the great commission and to be followed by signs and wonders. I've put a lot of emphasis on my church performance. I've used that to rate my relationship with the Father and I've missed The Main Thing, which is intimacy with Him. In all my scripture reading and good works I failed to see what was right there; the Father's desire to bring us back into unhindered relationship with Him. It's the reason Jesus came and died. 

I am currently in an environment which allows total freedom for God's spirit to move in a service. People laugh, cry, dance, shout, fall on the floor, there's especially a lot of twitching; demons come flying out and people experience freedom. It's a truly beautiful mess.

I came here specifically to get an impartation to do signs and wonders. I came here be free to experience the Spirit of God whatever it might look or sound like; to make me a beautiful mess.

The unfortunate part is that I can experience all of that without an intimacy with God. 

For example, I've been through many fire tunnels over the years. Honestly I've never felt anything. I recently had the opportunity to go through a fire tunnel again. I got in line ready to experience nothing. That was not to be! There was a section of the tunnel where no-one could stand up. Even the people praying for us kept falling over. When I approached that section the joy of the Lord hit me. I began laughing and laughing and I could not stand up. Everytime I tried I would fall to the floor again. The point here is that I was inevitably going to have that experience because it pleased the Holy Spirit to manifest his presences in that way. It didn't come out of a relationship with God.The manifest presence of God was felt by all regardless of our level of intimacy.

I can prophesy without having intimacy with God. I can cast out demons without intimacy with God. I can perform miracles without an intimacy with God. I can function in my gifting without relationship with the Father. His gifts are without repentance. (Rom. 11:29) But when I meet Jesus face to face he could look at me and say, "I don't know you" because I never pursued relationship with Him.(Matt 7:22-23)

Our Father is so good and loves restoration. I've begun to search for intimacy with Him and found He was right there waiting with a smile on his face a twinkle in His eye.

I'll still do good works, the presence of God will still manifest on me but most importantly my Jesus will know me.

First Truths

Kris Valloton talks about a study that showed whatever we first learn about a subject we will always compare against what we’re told about it after. I don’t know how to word that better but here’s an example: If you are first taught that God created the earth when you go to school and they teach you about evolution the evolution teaching will be bounced against what you were first taught about creation. What you are first taught you are likely to believe your whole life. 

There’s an elderly woman I know, a christian for most of her life, we’ll call her Beth. As a child Beth was often told by her mother that she hated her and wished she was never born. Beth grew up and became a pastor’s wife who helped and counselled many over the years. She has been loved and cherished by all. Her walk with God impacted and changed lives. Many have gathered around her as she’s aged to care for her and love on her. Because of the rejection she experienced as a child she has never felt the love people have for her. She lives in a state of perpetual rejection. If you say you love her, she’ll say, “I don’t think Jim does”. If you invest time in her she’ll tell you Jane never comes around. She lives in a state of poverty and lack of love because she was first taught she was unloveable.

65 years of serving God, healing the sick, delivering people from demons, caring for the orphan, the widow, the poor. And yet unloveable. 

Beth is a worshipper. She could be found many times pouring out her love and adoration for God, with tears pouring down her face. And yet unloveable.

She’s been diagnosed with cancer multiple times but cancer can’t live in her body. Each time she would receive the diagnosis she would begin to thank God for his goodness and the next time she went back to the doctor it would be gone. And yet unloveable.

Beth was first taught that sickness had to bow to the name of Jesus so she believed that God is good and sovereign and in everything we should give thanks. Beth had faith for the healing the cancer in her body but not the cancer in her soul. She was first taught that she was unloveable and all the love poured out towards her has bounced off of that.

I would challenge you that there are truths our spirits were first taught and they trump the things of the mind and body. Listen and remember what was really first said about you, “I loved you before the foundation of the world. I was the first one to love you. Before your parents even knew you existed I was lovingly creating you in your mother’s belly. I know your name! I’ve counted the hairs on your head! Who else can say that?” 

Close your eyes and think back with your spirit man and hear the first words ever spoken over you: “I love you.” Let the Holy Spirit guide your memory forward again and begin to bounce all the other words off of that truth. 

Can We Linger?

My life, a novel being written. Co-written, by me and the Father. I try to let him do most of the writing but my free will dictates changes at times.

I sit in my house full of empty shelves and full boxes. Ready to move, ready for a new chapter. But can I just linger a moment before we turn the page?

Flip back to ten years ago when Dwayne and I purchased this house. I was pregnant with Lydia. Pregnant for the last time and loving every minute. Surrounded by toddlers and preshcoolers- little Destiny was 4, Faith 3 and Gracie 1. The chaos and the blessing of those days. Homeschooling, then off to work at Goodness Me, girls attend BCS, Faith plays sports, Grace's friends teach her about relationships, Lydia loves and is loved by all, Destiny blooms, Destiny has graduated!

Can we linger?

Kimberlee married, nieces born, Hannah lives with us, Jared lives with us, Christmas’s, Thanksgiving, silly times and serious times with my family. Hannah married. Memories. Good times!

Freedom House days…doing life and ministry with covenant friends: Dave and Krissy, Brian and Sharlyss, Steve and Nicki, Trevor and Sara and many more. Being challenged and stretched. Frosty Fest, Living Nativity, Fusion, Leadership team. Prayer nights with Marty and Sara, Leanne, Curtis. Life changing! Part of something bigger than myself, for the glory of God.

Flip forward a little during those days and enter the Reimer family. Can we linger? Hot tub chats, small group, worship team…friends who are like family.
Worship team, Sarah Y., Jamie, Jim, Alisha, Dallas, Nadine, Wanda, Renyck, Jeff, Sara H., Leanne and others.

A year and half now at Lakemount under the anointed teachings of Matt Tapley; healing, hope, dreams restored. Reconnecting with Jonathan and Crystal.

Can we linger?

10 years is a lot of history. 

Beloved

Memorable

Cherished

Growth

Change

Death

Life

Each chapter is labeled “More than You Could Ask or Imagine”

That’s what my life has been.

I’m excited for what’s ahead. 

But can we linger just a moment more?

The World of the Awakened

They say the world is round. They say that if you travel far enough in one direction that you’ll end up back where you started. Have you tried? I have. I’m here to tell you that there is an end. There is a world that looks a little like ours but perfected in every way.

I was very young when I ran away. 

I was very young when I went searching for the end of the world. It didn’t take long to find out that the reality we live in is just a dream. Within this dream is a map of the other world, the world where we wake up. I know, you feel like this all sounds very mysterious, like a sci-fi story. It’s not. It’s truth. Many people have been there. You know them. They’re the crazy annoying ones. They’re ones that challenge and offend us. We want what they have but we’d rather sleep. 

It’s not a restful sleep or a sweet dream. It’s more like a hamster on a wheel, a lunatic banging their head against a wall. 

The signs pointing to the other world are everywhere. There are whole books written! Instead of following the books we change the words to match our dreams.

But I’ve been there and I don’t want to come back. I want you to come! I want you all to come.

Oh wait! I said the other world was perfect. It’s not. There’s one thing: I’ve seen you there. You’re asleep. Despite trumpets blaring, thunderings and singing, you sleep. I can’t feel sad there, no one can but I do wish you’d wake up.

I was very young when I ran away. 

I read in a history book that there was this man who came to our world, the dream world, and he walked among us awake. He interrupted our dreams to show us how to get to the world of the Awakened. We loved him and then we hated him and killed him. He loved us anyway. Even though he died he came back to life, he made a way to get to the end of the world and wake up. That’s what the book said. The book said that because he was awake that we could be awake too. He said that we would wake up others. He said that we would lead many people to the end of the world if we would believe the history book was true.

Even though I was young when I read the story, the hamster wheel dream had already tired on me. I longed to be awake!

Where were the people who could lead me there? I got the history book from The Dreamer’s Library. Had the people there been to the end of the world? The world of the Awakened? They gave me more books and I ran away to find it.

I know it’s tiring searching for the Awakened Ones so let me just tell you, there are many houses they claim to live in but when you go they’re all sleeping. One time I entered this house, you’re welcome to, any one is. The lights were all on, there was music playing. I entered the great hall and the Awakened One there was telling a beautiful story that should've woken every one in the room but they just slept on. It was hard to understand. I wondered if it was the air. I don’t know. Maybe I was just grasping. We all heard the same message about the world of the Awakened. Why did everyone want to sleep?

I zigzagged my was across the globe. I met many like me. It’s true! I’m not crazy. You understand that you are, right? You the sleepyhead, you are crazy. I met many like me. We traveled together and found the end of the earth, the Awakened Ones.

It’s perfect here (other than you sleeping). People are happy, healthy. We all prosper in every way. No sickness or pain. Ha! You don’t believe me! You think I’m dreaming. 

How can I wake you up? Will you pick up that history book again?

 Guess where the end of the world is? ...Just open your eyes.

“…your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven…” (Matt 6:10)