The Facade

At a first glance you’d think I had it all together; nicely dressed, hair and make-up meticulous, kids well behaved, husband and I sit holding hands. You think you want my life. You ask how I am. I smile, “oh good!” I say. But I’m not good today and I desperately wish someone would see past the facade.
I wish you would...
and yet I hope you don’t.
Then you’d know
I’m weak
I struggle
I lose hope sometimes

We say, “Let’s do life together”, let’s be the Acts church with everything in common; a family, a community. I agree as long as it’s me helping you. I have grace for your struggles. But me?
I’d rather be digging in this pit...
until I reach despair.
Despair...
It’s not the only thing lurking in the darkness. There’s self-pity, resentment that friends and family can’t use their magic to discern my needs. The pride here is a suffocating mask called Humility.
It’s cold
dark
silent
Then I meet others.

There are real people down here. I didn’t see them at first. Their eyes are dark and empty, my eyes still glow with the light of God even in this pit I’ve dug. I’ve unearthed these real people in my digging. They’ve become part of the mud, with no hope of resurfacing until now.

And I think,

In this pit of vacant eyes
how could I, this child of light
be here amongst you?
The living among the dead.

No matter my pain and despair I have hope, they don’t. I have living water, they are eternally thirsty and let me tell, you there’s no water down here. No matter what hard times I face on earth I have eternal heaven ahead, they have eternal hell...starting now!

The voice of God breaks through.
“I died for this!”
I let Christ’s death and resurrection rise up in me. My flesh cries out painfully. Self-pity, resentment, pride...
“Pride? I don’t want to give up pride, then they’ll all see”, I whine.
“See what? That I am the joy and strength of your life? That you can’t live without me?”, Truth speaks.
Yes, I even let go of pride.

And what about the others in the pit? I’m bringing them to the surface with me, many as possible!

And you? I’m sorry I lied. I’m sorry I didn’t let you help me.

How am I doing?
Not good. Not today.

Peanutbutter and Jam Communion

"All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had." Acts 4:3

My grandma is an artist. She has the ability to take very little and out of it flows abundant hospitality. Even back to the days when my grandma would walk down the stairs in the morning asking God if she could just have a roll of toilet paper, maybe a little jam, maybe some beans so she could make a soup. (He always miraculously filled her grocery lists) Back to the days when she served her family head cheese and possum; my grandparents door was always open. My grandpa would frequently invite guests over to fellowship. My grandma would toast up some bread and open a can of sardines to make sandwiches, then she'd take a little flour, a little oil, a little jam and make up some squares. Together all would partake, there would be prayer and singing, and the unifying of heart and mind. It didn't take a lot of money, it just took generosity.

"And now, brothers and sisters, we want you to know about the grace that God has given the Macedonian churches. In the midst of a very severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity. For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own, they urgently pleaded with us for the privilege of sharing in this service to the Lord’s people. And they exceeded our expectations: They gave themselves first of all to the Lord, and then by the will of God also to us. 2 Corinth. 8:1-5

Even in our varying degrees of perceived poverty, we need to break through with generosity. These people pleaded to be able to give. They gave generously and with overflowing joy. These people knew what it was like not to pay the bills, they knew what hunger and nakedness felt like. They found it in themselves to be joyful. That is kingdom thinking. When you should be crushed under the stress of money and possessing, the Spirit of God rises up in you to be generous.

Don't hide behind closed doors worrying about keeping up with the Jone's, they've got their own issues to deal with. I've got the peanutbutter, you bring the jam, let's get together!

Freedom Come Running

I have these thoughts of freedom running through my brain
Up and down the corridors rattling the chains
Things I thought I knew filled with mystery again
Wonderment and awe loosening these bands

I've longed for my childhood days You seemed so big, I was secure
Before my adult thoughts came rushing in to taint the pure
My passionate youth was filled with intense love that was so sure
For the One who loved me first...they said I didn't know who You were

The lies that planted seed grew up like vines, became my chains
Here I am mature, my passion almost tamed
Yet Freedom has come running with fire in it's hands
I lift my arms to heaven and am consumed once again

Love the Way You Lie...That's what she said (The Remix)

I’m the type of person who listens to a song and can’t hear anything but the lyrics. If I agree with the lyrics I’ll enjoy the music.
I’ve heard Brian Beattie say something to the effect of , “We are a generation who knows what their words are worth”. The bible says that words bring life or death. We’ve all felt the heartache of harsh words and the pleasure of kind words.
I just saw the movie “Inception”in the theatre. The idea is that a company was hired to plant an idea into someone’s dream and have the idea become their own to live out in reality. You don’t have to enter someone’s dreams to plant an idea in their head. From the time my children were young I’ve told them that God is the creator of all things, that he loved us so much and even though we didn’t deserve it he sent Jesus to die for us, that he lives in their hearts, He hears their prayers and will answer them and that his words are the ultimate truth. I’ve told them that I love them, that God has a plan for them, that they are valuable and they should guard themselves. After all that is said I try to be a good example and expect them to live according to the words they’ve been taught. They have not yet learned that the secular world preaches a message contrary to everything I’ve just told them...and that people behave accordingly.
If you asked my girls a question about their value as a person or about their God, they would answer you with the ideas I have planted and their own growing relationship with God. The Word says, “Above all guard you heart for it is the wellsping of life.” And “Out of the overflow of our heart our mouth speaks”. It is so important to guard what we know to be true and teach our children to do the same. Either words have worth or they don’t. Either they bring life or death or they don’t. I believe that words are weighty. They become ideas that shape our lives and our actions! We can’t plant bad seed and hope for a crop failure. You can’t listen to crap and hope a daisy pops out. Crap is crap and daisies are daisies.
Think of the songs you've been listening to lately. What if I started singing those songs to my girls. What kind of things, would they start to believe about God , themselves and others?
I’m not rising up “against” secular music, what I’m trying to say is that I am “for” truth and I am “for” guarding ourselves from the ideas of the music that goes against the truth; these ideas that go on to shape our thoughts and then our actions, our belief system. We are a generation who knows what words are worth. The media gets it, they know what their words are worth. You need to know what your words are worth and speak the truth, but don’t just speak it, live and breath it.

10th Anniversary Thoughts

This week we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary.

We had a great disagreement on the way to the restaurant we were going to . It was a much needed discussion. We talked, we yelled, I cried, we were silent and then we started again. Nobody won and no resolution was made, except a resolve to love. There's that peace and security in knowing we'll be together always; in sickness, in health, for rich, for poorer, forsaking all others until death. We sat in silence for a good twenty minutes (the cool down), each content that we had been heard, truly heard, by the other. When we got to the restaurant I sent him a text under the table. It said, "You're hot!!!" and that broke the ice and sealed the argument. He knew that was code for , "I forgive you. You forgive me. Let's make love tonight".

I'm sure that not everyone gets here within the same timeframe or in the same way, but I feel like we've come through the most selfish years and settled in for the long haul. The first couple years are spent in shock. The dating blinders come off, everyone eases out of their best behaviour and plays out every fear they developed watching their parents marriage. It's a time for establishing boundaries. It is truly hard work! and not all couples make it through. If you can make it through the spring to the summer of unconditional love it is well worth it. We still have plenty of crap to work through, but here is where we are safe to do so.

I am so blessed to have Dwayne's love and I look forward to the long journey ahead!

Women are Like Flowers

Women are like flowers waiting to bloom.

Contrary to popular belief we don't want to be lied to either. When a woman asks you if she "looks fat in this", "is my makeup alright", "did you enjoy dinner"; she already knows every single flaw and she's waiting for you to confirm her worst fears, at the same time hoping against hope that you see something she can't. Fundamentally we know what we are supposed to be. Woman are the fairer sex, the domestic goddess, we bring forth new life, we are our husband's greatest help.

You would do well to study the woman in your life. Do you know how glorious a flower in bloom is? The beauty, the fragrance, the pleasure, a work of art.

Art has always been subjective. One may see something magnificent while another may view the same piece and not see anything of value. At a first glance maybe. But when we begin to study it's creator, his point of view, his purpose; we develop a new appreciation.

I get it, "do I look fat in this" becomes a terribly loaded question and it's up to you to know the answer. It's a sort of ultimatum saying, "I will become everything you need if you can tell me what God saw when he made me the way I am." May I suggest that if she was already blooming she wouldn't have to ask.

"You're just too complicated" answers another question, "Am I worth fighting for?" You could do it because it's right and you could do it for yourself. A woman in bloom is worth fighting for, I guarantee it.

Am I lovely?

Am I worth fighting for?

Do you see me?

Father's of daughters have the same responsibility to help their daughter's bloom. If you do not answer these questions for them, they will search for someone to answer the questions. And by search I mean, they will give almost anything.

If you know the creator you will see the masterpiece. It's not as complicated as you think. He will show you everything you need to see.

Could Have Been Born

I often think about how I could have been born at any point in history, into any part of the world, into any situation. Could've been the Queen of England, Pocahontas, Joan of Arc, Judas Iscariot...I could've been born in India, a Dalit, the lowest caste; enslaved from birth, treated like a dog or less. I could have been born in Africa, died of aids or starvation or worse. I could've been a child soldier. I could have been born in Thailand, sold by my parents at the age of four and raped by North Americans until I died. I could have been born to alcoholic, abusive parents, ended up on the street...

Could've. But God chose for me to be born now, here in Canada. I am a free woman. A woman living in a country of wealth, privileges and abundant resources. I've got a book to read on anything I could ever want to know. My head is full, my hands have more than they could ever hold; wealth, privilege, resources...responsibility. When God placed us in this great country what did he mean for us to do with all we have been given? Our heads are full, our hands have more than they could ever hold. Unless we give it away it will become a great burden.

Maybe we were meant to rescue. Maybe we were meant to give as though it was all God's in the first place. Maybe we were meant to save, heal and deliver by the power of Jesus.

Why were you born here, at this point in history?