You are My Greatest Romance

My God,
You are the greatest romance of my life. It’s amazing that you didn’t just create the universe and abandon us for other projects. You care about all of creation. You have individualized plans and desire intimate relationship with each of us. Amazing!
Over a month ago I felt you prompt me to get a resume ready for Goodness Me. As usual I ran ahead on what I thought this meant. I assumed that since thus far I’ve been led to homeschool, the job I was applying for would be part-time evenings. I went only so far as to hope for a job as a cashier there. 
The week I finished my resume, Goodness Me posted that they were hiring for a Healthy Living Advisor position. A full time position. This rocked my world. I laughed, I cried, I was excited, I was sad. This would mean the end of our homeschool journey. A journey that taught me so much. It built my character and strengthened my relationship with my kids. I learned humility, patience, discipline, organization and more. At the same time, this job would fulfill my passionate pursuit of healthy living, my desire to see others achieve optimal health, and it was after all what I had been studying for. 
Friends, Lord! Good, godly friends. I don’t think I could’ve obeyed with such peace without the people you have enriched my life with. They’ve prayed with me, counselled me, and cheered me on the whole way!
The process has been a long one. The job closed…I waited…one week later I had a pre-interview phone call. They left me with a “we’ll call you if you get an interview.” I thought I’d hear back shortly; in my mind I gave them a week and then I would know. I figured You wouldn’t lead me this far without an interview. One week passed and nothing. Remember that morning where I sat on the chair and shook my fist at you crying, “how could you disrupt my life like this? Dangling the perfect job in front of me just to be let down…” Finished with a “your God and I’m not. It’s still better to obey.” Once I quieted myself I heard you say, “I saw that this job was coming up and I knew you would be interested in it. That’s why I had you get ready.” I was overwhelmed with the romance of it all! The God of the universe looking down on me and watching out for my interests? What? God you are too sweet! Later that day I got the call! 12 days later I would have the interview!
You told me to brush up on studies, to prep for the interview and to fast. I took it serious. I studied the company and wrote out and practiced interview questions in front of the mirror. I say all that to say even then, when the weekend before the interview came you told me just to enjoy the weekend, to rest and put the studying aside. How thoughtful and wise is that?
Last night anxiety, a migraine, fear and negative thoughts tried to crowd in on me and again those great people you placed in my life rallied around me. They prayed and spoke words of encouragement and I felt peace. And do you know how many were especially thinking about me today? I could feel their support, Lord, and I’m so thankful. Would you bless them? Show me ways that I can be a blessing to them too.
My children too Lord! What a capacity for love you have placed in them. They’ve been so encouraging to me in going after this job. They keep telling me how happy they are for me to have the opportunity to pursue something they know I’m passionate about. How about Lydia? This morning before I left she said, “Mom, I really excited for your interview. Not just because I want to go school, but because I know this is something you want to do.” Wasn’t I so worried about them in the beginning? But you have a romance going on with them too and I know you’ve been speaking to them. 
First thing you said to me when I opened my eyes was, “Go get ’em tiger!” This was both encouraging and humorous. I love that about you; you get me! The interview went well. I remembered how you said you would go before me, and stay after me, and give me favour. That thought has been my comfort this last week. You know just what to say.
Now I wait again and that’s okay. I’ve got you and you are peace. Your love and kindness toward me overwhelm me. You are the love of my life!

Love Yours Truly,

Trina

Waiting

Waiting

I’ve grown up with stories of provision. My grandparents were in the ministry, most often in rural communities. My grandma says there were days when she would walk down the stairs from her room and say things like, “Lord, if we could just have a roll of toilet paper.” Soon after a farmer showed up at her door and sheepishly handed the pastor’s wife a roll of toilet paper. “Lord, if we could just have a bag of beans. I could do so much with a bag of beans.” Soon there were groceries on the front porch and amongst them a bag of beans. God is faithful. God provides.

Too often I worry without praying; I don’t think to ask, I just wait for answers. This time as I stood by my kitchen sink remembering my grandma’s faith I asked God if we could have some meat. We had the veggies and some rice but if we could just have some meat and maybe some eggs, I could do so much with that. Almost immediately I had the impression of going to Freshco at 12:30 the next day and seeing a man with a white hat, who would give us meat. I’m familiar with God speaking to me with impressions like this.  And I know it’s him when I just can’t shake it. I woke up still thinking about it the next day. You should know, I’m fine to pray for strangers in the comfort of my home. I will pray for and be generous to my family and friends, but to engage a stranger in public, because God asked terrifies me. And to engage them in this way! What was I to stand in front of the store like a beggar waiting for meat? Did I have to go up to the first man with a white hat and say, “God said to buy me some meat.” Oh goodness!... But I have a motto, “You may feel afraid, but you don’t have to be afraid. Do it afraid!” I also began to think that if I didn’t show up and this person was learning to hear from God and they were meant to bless us I didn’t want to discourage their faith. Still I sound much stronger, and calmer than I felt. I’m not quite expressing this properly. I went through waves of fear, doubt, embarrassment. All the things you would feel if it was you....ya I felt that. So I called a friend, who I knew would pray for me. She was excited and  encouraged me to go to see what would happen. We prayed that the man would have courage to obey God’s voice and would know that he heard from God. We felt that I wouldn’t need to go to the man and ask but that he would know he was sent to meet me. I got off the phone feeling great anticipation.

Off to the grocery store I went for 12:30. I know how you want this story to end. Me too. I stood outside waiting for my provision, feeling a little pathetic, a little vulnerable. I stood in front of the grocery store looking like I was waiting for someone and I was. Lots of men with white hats. I smiled and made eye contact with them all.  One man with a white hat kept looking at me and I at him but he never came over. At 12:45 I left. 

I’m still confident that it was God’s voice I heard, or else I don’t know what his voice sounds like at all. Which I don’t believe. On my way home as I thought through the experience what I felt was a grieving. A grieving for all the people waiting. Waiting for us to obey when we hear God’s voice, waiting for us to be his hands, his feet, and his heart. I have a feeling I won’t be so afraid next time God asks me to engage a stranger. I have a feeling that my fear will be replaced by an urgency and my doubts and questions replaced by boldness. I will not leave them waiting.

Do it Afraid!

LISTEN!
"You may feel afraid, but you don't have to be afraid. You can keep going forward with your knees shaking and heart pounding and say, "God is with me. He will never leave me nor forsake me, and I am going to do everything that I need to do. I will not fear. What can man do to me?" (Psalm 118:6)" Joyce Meyer
DO IT AFRAID!

The funny thing is that when you tell yourself to "Do it afraid", courage rises up. My friend and Pastor, Brian Beattie once reminded me that the enemy can't touch us. He said that fear is just a yapping dog at our heels. I always tell that to myself when I'm afraid and I imagine myself kicking them off!

There's probably very little in life worth doing that doesn't first make us afraid. I don't give all the credit to the enemy either. I think fear is there to make us stop and think before we act. When pursuing the purpose of your life, this is where "the most important thing about you is what you think about when you think about God"(A.W.Tozer) becomes key, this is where truth meets up with the lies, and freedom runs up against our "safety" systems; this is the process that determines how long before we agree to the fulfillment of our destiny.

I personally have desired and dreamed my whole life of seeing people healed from sickness, and doing those "greater things" Jesus talked about (John 14:12-14). I've been held back by fear and reason every time there's been an opportunity outside my church. It's part of my destiny, the Holy Spirit is in me to accomplish these things. I guess if I'm going to do it, I'm going to "Do it afraid"!

Once we accept that fear is not going to leave before we first take action, then fear's power changes hands. "You may feel afraid, but you don't have to be afraid." J.M.
Fear doesn't own or control you. You control you!

DO IT AFRAID!

Daddy!

What does the innocent child want from his Daddy?
Standing before him he doesn’t ask for food, Dad takes care of that. He doesn’t ask for clothes. He doesn’t ask for a shelter over his head, he lives in his Daddy’s house. These things are provided without request from the child. It doesn’t cross his mind to ask for those things. The innocent child hopes stands there hoping his daddy will pull him up onto His lap. He sits there warm, contented, quiet. He Listens to Dad’s heartbeat, the bass in Dad’s voice, as he leans his childish head against his chest. It is a place of security; there is complete trust. The innocent child shows Daddy his boo boo and tells about the kids who call him names. The boo boo is healed with a kiss and the names are cancelled out by the higher thoughts of the Dad.
Then the child asks for a treat because there’s really nothing else to ask for; Daddy already supplies the rest. Dad laughs and pulls out a handful from his pocket.
The child thanks his Daddy and lightheartedly skips away. The Dad smiles and calls out after him, “Now make sure you share with your friends!”

Never Rich Until I Became Poor

There are Godly world changers doing great exploits. Some so great you can hardly believe it without seeing it! When you're not at that place it seems like a painful, scary journey. It seems like a place you'd never want to go. Yet you're being drawn there!

When you love Jesus it takes you where you could never get to on your own: Dealing with childhood memories, insurmountable fear, healing your sicknesses, assurance of salvation. As we pursue a relationship with Jesus, somewhere in the midst the love grows and spills out of you and you begin to help, heal and assure others.

If you take the time to contemplate where you came from and where you are now in this journey, it was only scary at the time, now the fears seem almost funny. I remember a time when I would start to get a word from God to share during a church service. I had to know the whole thing, I had to write it out word for word. then I would wait to see if something in the service lined up. The whole time my heart would race, stomach in knots, throat constricted. If! all those things were in place and the opportunity came, I would cry through the whole thing.
Now I'll get a sentence or a picture, I'll ask a couple questions like: do I share? Anything else I need to know? I wait for the opportune time, and then I open my mouth.

How did I get there? I can't even say exactly! I believe the key was that I kept pursuing relationship with Jesus, he increased, and I decreased; pushing out my fears and insecurities. I don't say this pridefully, but with great humility knowing that my only part is love for Jesus and willingness to trust him. Without him I am nothing.

"It is not a question of our equipment but of our poverty, not of what we bring with us, but of what God puts into us; not a question of natural virtues of strength of character, knowledge, and experience-all that is of no avail in these matters. The only thing that avails is that we are taken up into the big compelling of God and made His comrades." Oswald Chambers

"Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not —to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption." 1 Corinthians 1:26-30

Foodly Wisdom You Don't Want to Hear

Our modern diet is a mockery; the artificial flavours and preservatives trick our taste buds into thinking we're feeding our body what it needs.  For example, we crave sugar because it turns into alcohol in our stomachs. We crave the alcohol because it's reminiscent of fermented foods. Fermented food and drink is what the body actually hopes you are feeding it when you consume sugary food. It contains vitamins, minerals, and enzymes necessary for good digestion. Sugar on the other hand breaks down the immune system, leeches calcium and minerals from our bones, and over time wears down our endocrine system.  Food was meant to be truly flavourful so we would nourish our bodies. Modern artificial flavouring attracts us to foods that leave us malnurished. God created our bodies to  work intelligently you just have to listen and respond with wisdom.

All the Juicy Details

I read an article today that my friend Steve Straza posted http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationship/features/28337-the-secret-sexual-revolution . It states that 80% of christian singles from age 18-29 are having sex. I was one of those statistics. Normally I think you’d be shocked and I should stay quiet and ashamed, but 80% of you are right there with me. Darkness and ignorance are powerful. They keep us bound and silent and when they aren’t dealt with they imprison the next generation.

I was always a good girl. I loved and pursued God with all of my heart! I loved Him, but I wasn’t sure what he thought about me. That belief and life’s trials left me very insecure. I was desperately searching for someone to define me; to find me precious, and beautiful, and special. I wanted to be chosen and prized. I wanted all of those things to be fulfilled by...a boy. I had many crushes but none of them chose me as their princess. Maybe they would have if they knew that I would have given anything; even that one sacred thing that can never be taken back. I would have slept with them if that’s what it took to be “loved”.
I had grew up in the church, I had been told that sex before marriage was wrong, that my virginity was sacred and meant for my husband. I knew it was good teaching, but I felt it was worth the risk if I could be chosen. Not everyone was “doing it” then. It wasn’t even on TV as much. I suspected that other christian adults I knew and respected had sex before marriage and they were all happily married and serving God and that to me made the virginity teaching just another one of those things we taught but didn’t follow. I remember one time after a convicting message on purity the speaker had us sign a paper promising we wouldn’t have sex before marriage. I desperately wanted to be all God expected and so I signed it. I hoped by making a promise to God, it would be serious to me not to break it and maybe I could stop thinking about giving myself away.

I made it through high school without having sex. The guys who liked me never had the guts to ask me out, so I was spared that temptation. Then I met this christian boy. Friends warned me not to date him because he had had sex before. It was really heart breaking because as much as I was willing to have sex I hadn’t and I wanted to marry someone who had also run the high school gauntlet and made it through. Somehow grace rose up in me and I forgave him and decided to date him. I was tormentingly shy around him. I literally could not talk. I couldn’t even form a sentence in my mind. It was crazy that he kept dating me. I really started to like him and he liked me because unlike the other girls he dated I was a “good girl”. We started with the good-bye kiss and then from there he kept moving me along the bases as most boys try to do. I didn’t want to lose him. He had chosen me! He was making me feel special! This will seem like a contradiction: he had made up his mind that he wasn’t going to have sex with the next person he dated (I was that person), he wanted to do it right this time. I on the other hand was thinking if I don’t have sex I’m going to lose him because the other girl was willing. I thought, “What’s the big deal anyway?” I didn’t get the value of sex, until I did it. I think he shook his head no at first, which is pretty good for a guy being offered sex from a girl he likes, but he of course gave in. It sucked! It was nothing like the movies! My immediate thought when we were done was, “I’m going to marry him”, and I did. To be honest I wasn’t even totally sure that I loved him, I just thought that was the way to make things right. Talk about risky! We faced hard times in our marriage as a result of this decision. We opened the door for shame and regret and doubt. The thing that kept us together at first was that we both really loved God and he kept us choosing to love each other. I wouldn’t trade him for anyone. He is my perfect opposite! Statistically a marriage that began like that doesn’t always work out! It could’ve gone another way too. He could’ve broken up with me and left me feeling more empty and desperate for love than before.

That whole story takes place while we are both attending church and pursuing God. We both experienced alot of guilt. I just kept telling myself that we were going to get married and make things right. I was just your average good church girl, from a good God-fearing family. My friends and I were very likely all going through the same struggles, but trying to keep our sins secret. I buried all my insecurities and hid them from my family, they wouldn’t have known I was in danger of making those choices. I think as mature adults it's so important to talk about the temptations and insecurities we’ve gone through instead of being ashamed of our sins and somehow hoping the next generation will do better than we did. I think if we bring things to light it would give us the opportunity to talk about this subject or at the very least allow for the grace of God. I think christians are the only people left on the planet who think that sex is private! No, I don’t want to know all the gross details of your personal life, but for goodness sake! us married adults have been there and obviously the teens we know want to have sex or are doing it already and the only way to make it all right is to shine light on it and drag this ugly shameful thing up out of the basement!