God Helps Those Who Help Themselves

I can’t express how abandoned I have felt during my journey through alcohol addiction. I hear of new Christians who have had miraculous interventions and were delivered instantly from their vices. I on the other hand, a lifelong Christian, seem to have just been abandoned down in the pit and have had to use my own strength and resources to claw my way out. I spent so many mornings on my face on the floor crying out for help and deliverance. At the height of my addiction, I was spending hours with God praying, worshiping and reading the word. And yet no deliverance. Then one morning, I picked myself up off the floor, wiped my tears and accepted that Jesus wasn’t coming to rescue me. When I think of that Footprint’s poem, where the guy had struggles and it seemed he was walking alone and then God says, ‘that’s when I carried you’, I just want to call bullshit. No bud, you were walking alone. You had to live out whatever shitty situation happened, and you had to learn to keep walking. What I’ve concluded is that the rescue isn’t coming because it already came. God sent his son who paid the price for my sin and opened up every possibility for us to live an abundant life. He even gave us a book full of wisdom and guidance. Enter free will. Then we make choices that turn us from that abundant life and there are natural consequences that come along with that. That’s where I’m at. Paying the consequences. They’re real, they’re tough and I’m full of regret. For my birthday this year, I heard the words, “Year of victory”. So, I believe he hasn’t left, he’s still cheering me on, he still loves me, but I've got to walk this out on my own, do the hard work on my own and hopefully get back to abundant life. I tell people now, keep praying, but don't wait for rescue 'cause he's not coming, at least not in the way you think. He's no theologian, but I believe Benjamin Franklin when he said, "God helps those who help themselves". Pick yourself up, get the help you need and get ready to do the work. 

Ain't No Grave Gonna Hold My Body Down

Prov. 2:16-22

Wisdom will save you also from the adulterous woman,

   from the wayward woman with her seductive words,

who has left the partner of her youth

   and ignored the covenant she made before God.

Surely her house leads down to death

   and her paths to the spirits of the dead.

None who go to her return

   or attain the paths of life.

The adulterous woman represents anything that leads us away from our covenant with God. The way to her house is subtle. Each step small and seemingly harmless. Each step you take further from wisdom and into deception, self deception. You’re ok, you tell yourself. Look how much you love God with every other area of your life. Who’s perfect, right? The closer you get to her door, death’s door, the more you deceive yourself that your sin is not sin at all. And then sin grabs you and holds you in it’s death grip. It’s there in the still, cold grave that you hear wisdom calling and realize too late that the adulterous woman is a liar, her words poison, that she has lead you so far away from God that you’ve lost yourself entirely. You lay in the grave, faceless, nameless, you are gone...

And then you begin to hear the voice of love calling your name, “Child, rise up!”

Answer Him. Shake off the dust.

“Child, rise up!”

Breath in the breath of God. You can come back to life again. Cause there ain’t no grave that can hold your body down!

Live your new life empowered by the faith of the Son of God who loves you so much that he gave himself for you, and dispenses his life into yours! (Galations 2:20)

Ain’t no grave gonna hold my body down!

How Far is Heaven?

Before I thought of heaven in terms of time and it seemed far away.

Time for sin.

Time for apathy.

Tomorrow I'll be better, make better choices.

Now I think of heaven in terms of distance and it's oh. so. close!

So close, I'm free.

So close, I'm fully alive.

Here and now I am transformed to transform.

"And proclaim as you go, saying, 

'THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN HAS COME NEAR.'

Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers, cast out demons." Matt 10:7-8

Healed from Somatoparaphrenia With Borderline Ecclesiophobia

It took me four years of painful memories, four years trying to forgive. Days and days of tears and anger. Times I thought that the pain would mark my life forever. As I mulled over the situation, the people, the conversations in order to be free, I was actually wiring my brain to stay, to stay in the past, in a moment in time. And when we can't forgive it's sin. Then we not only carry the burden of our own sin but we carry the weight of the sins committed against us. Bit by bit, the burden grows. It's subtle; over time we gather evidence to support our pain. The original story begins to include what we're sure were the other persons thoughts and intentions and we look for character flaws to support our unforgiveness. Instead of "time heals all things", time becomes the poison our thoughts stew in. Eventually we find justification for the unforgiveness.

"Forgiveness restores the standard...When you forgive someone you give them permission to live as though they never failed." Kris Vallotton The bible mentions a few times how far God removes our sin from us, how he forgets we even sinned it's so far removed. We often stumble at this point. How is it possible to forget what happened?

It took me four years to learn I was fighting the wrong battle. I made my battle about people and my forgiveness was dependent on them saying and doing certain things.

Often, over the years I would hear God say, "Come up higher." I didn't know what he meant or how to get there. I couldn't come up higher because I had anchored myself to the earth with the weight of their "perceived" sins.

I remember telling a friend that I wished I could let it go. She responded, "You can!" I was annoyed thinking she hadn't been listening to my story, that she didn't understand. I thought it was impossible. I hoped that one day "it" would just let go of me.

One Sunday, my pastor kept asking us what it meant to be fully alive. I left there thinking, "I'm so tired of being half dead. I'm ready to be fully alive." I detached myself from the weight their wrongs by laying it at the feet of Jesus. Over the next few days, every time I would think about the people involved or the painful situation I would say, "I chose to let this go. I give it to you Jesus and I receive your peace and love (and whatever else he would bring to my mind) in return." I began to "come up higher". I found the place where sins are forgotten; at the mercy seat, the throne room, in the presence of God. Up here I can't remember their wrongs but I remember love and most importantly I remember who I am.

Recognize your true enemy, by learning that your real battle is not against flesh and blood (Eph. 6:12). Flesh and blood refers to people and furthermore if we are the body of Christ, then you and I are part of the same flesh and blood. If I cut you, I bleed, we all bleed. You actually set yourself in opposition to Jesus and to the advancing of the kingdom when you battle against his people.

Am I saying don't ever confront people? No way! But I learned that when you come up higher, you confront from a place of humility and love, and you care deeply about the other person's heart. You aren't trying to be right, you're trying to show love. I discovered that when you meditate on the situation too long, the truths you think you know aren't even truth. God is the only perfect judge, the ultimate holder of truths. Let him bring justice. You get to rest, child. Give it to him and find rest. Fight the real battle with praise and worship. Lift God high above your circumstance and you will go higher too. You will be able to forgive. No matter your situation, you can be free if you want.

Pile of Shit

The deeper you go in a relationship the more permission you give that person to have access to your soul. When that person hurts you the pain rocks the very foundation of your belief system. If a stranger tells you you’re ugly it becomes a funny story to tell your friends. If your best friend sits down to coffee with you and tells you you’re ugly it gets into your foundation; your beliefs about self, and relationships. The hurt goes deep and you wonder if you ever want to give that much access to someone again. 

Years ago now, a group of my friends and I got into some tough conversations. Somehow my husband Dwayne and I became the focus of their criticisms. I’m told that if someone uses a sharp knife to cut you, you’ll barely feel it...this felt more like having your heart cut out with a butter knife. I then proceeded to take a jack hammer to my beliefs about self and relationships and rebuild something that was safer for my soul.

I won’t tolerate unforgiveness in my life and so I would pray for these people often. I kept a prayer on my mirror that said, “I choose to forgive and release (blank). Jesus I ask that you would bless them, heal them and deliver them body soul and spirit. At first, I was having to do this quite often, as I tend to replay tough conversations. 

I remember one significant time where I was replaying and having to forgive over and over. It was tormenting! Finally I cried out to God, “HAVE MERCY!” Immediately he showed me a picture of myself behind a wall. I was sitting on top of a mound of treasure. As I sat there I picked up the treasure and examined each piece, or would grab handfuls and let it fall through my fingers. I knew that the treasure was my pain. I treasured all the hurts not because I liked to feel the pain, but because in giving it up I thought the people involved would never know to be sorry. All of a sudden the picture changed and I was sitting on top of a pile of poop going through the same motions. I would pick it up and examine it or squish it through my fingers. When I saw this, I knew what the treasure truly was: a pile of shit. My spirit man yelled, “GET ME OUT!” Immediately the wall crumbled and I felt a release from the unforgiveness I’d held on to. There was no way I was going to sit there massaging shit! Could there be a stronger picture of what it is to hold on to past hurts?

The problem is that I keep finding myself behind the wall again. Can’t say I’ve ever jumped back onto the shit pile but hiding behind the wall is safe and going out into the wide world to dive into relationships again is SOOO not safe. 

When I first saw the vision I heard the word “shit” which I quickly changed to “crap” because I knew the Lord would never say “shit” and to be a true vision I obviously had to change the wording. The thing is “crap” to me is really dumbed down. Crap could be misconstrued as a pile of junk, and we all know that “one man’s junk is another man’s treasure…” That doesn’t suffice. The wording may be offensive to you, but to get through to me God clearly called my unforgiveness “shit”. God uses strong wording throughout the bible. In one instance he likens Israel’s righteousness to “filthy rags”. “Yes”, you say, “Filthy rags. Like this rag I used to clean my motorcycle…” No people! Filthy rags: blood soaked menstrual pads. Yuck! He uses clear language. My pile of crap is a pile of shit, not a pile of junk and clearly not a treasure.

Now, I will never knowingly step behind the wall and return to the stink pile but my imagination loves to justify holding onto my pain. I can’t even name to you the number of scenarios that looked legit but just ended up being me hiding behind the wall with a pile of shit. 

One time I was physically ill because I was so afraid to attend a social event. I started to think, “Look what they did to me, I’m eternally broken.” The Lord only needed to whisper three words, “pile of shit.” I let go of my self pity and stepped out to try again.

Another time I began to doubt the very existence of God. This torment went on for weeks. Looking back, I figure my subconscious reasoned that if God didn't exist I wouldn't need to face my fears…Then the Lord whispered, “pile of shit”.

Another time I likened my fear of relationships to what happened to me one summer when we took the family cliff jumping. I’ve cliff jumped before. It was scary, but in the past I did it with little convincing. This time I couldn’t get my self to do it. It was like I was paralyzed. I told the Lord, “See! I’m paralyzed like when I wanted to cliff jump and couldn’t.” He replied, “Pile of shit.”

Each time I try a different point of view to justify treasuring the pain and each time he calls me out from behind the wall. I don’t come out quiet either. I come out stomping, spitting, crying, yelling, swearing. I’m mad as heck that I don’t have a reason to call that shit treasure, that I have to keep facing my fears. I know I can’t live behind the wall with that pile of shit because obviously only a wierdo would be comfortable there....Surely I was made for more than that...There’s no peace behind the wall and there’s no peace outside the wall...The difference is that I’m alone in there and Jesus is out here. I don’t know how long it will take til I’m ok but I just keep venturing out. I stick close to Jesus and let him do the healing. They say “time heals all things”. Nope! Only repeatedly facing my fears with Jesus heals hurts like these.

My Journal: Come Down

*I write my journal as a letter to Father (God). I write and he responds. 
I think what I experience in life is so common. It would be my hope that my journal entries would encourage others. 
Just a little background to this entry: I have spent the week mulling over old pain and loss and disappointments. God has been faithful to bring encouragement...and some discipline. 

Father,

People talk about perspective like it helps you see the good. I think it helps you see the truth but not necessarily the good.

Like, I'm sitting on the top deck overlooking the backyard and I can see more clearly the mess and the disrepair. It's ugly and chaotic. It would need so much work to make it beautiful.

(He interrupts)
"You only feel hopeless because you're powerless to change it. Otherwise you would look from that perspective and feel better advised on what needs to be done. As you progressed through the list of repairs you would feel encouraged by looking out from a higher perspective."

"I have not called you to climb the mountain and look out over your life and to evaluate things. Come down from there! You are powerless to change what you see. I restore, rebuild, work things for good. I have the power to change it.

"Go down from here. I have made a place for you to rest. You rest, I will work."

Learning to Walk: The Main Thing

I've been especially challenged lately on what I thought was The Main Thing vs. what is The Main Thing. I remember sitting with dear friends earlier this year and the wife passionately saying that more than anything she wanted a relationship with the Father. It offended my mind. I thought it was a good christian thing to say. I want that too but isn't it most important to spread the gospel, heal the sick and etc.? She understood a truth I couldn't yet grasp. 

Since I was young my desire has been to fulfill the great commission and to be followed by signs and wonders. I've put a lot of emphasis on my church performance. I've used that to rate my relationship with the Father and I've missed The Main Thing, which is intimacy with Him. In all my scripture reading and good works I failed to see what was right there; the Father's desire to bring us back into unhindered relationship with Him. It's the reason Jesus came and died. 

I am currently in an environment which allows total freedom for God's spirit to move in a service. People laugh, cry, dance, shout, fall on the floor, there's especially a lot of twitching; demons come flying out and people experience freedom. It's a truly beautiful mess.

I came here specifically to get an impartation to do signs and wonders. I came here be free to experience the Spirit of God whatever it might look or sound like; to make me a beautiful mess.

The unfortunate part is that I can experience all of that without an intimacy with God. 

For example, I've been through many fire tunnels over the years. Honestly I've never felt anything. I recently had the opportunity to go through a fire tunnel again. I got in line ready to experience nothing. That was not to be! There was a section of the tunnel where no-one could stand up. Even the people praying for us kept falling over. When I approached that section the joy of the Lord hit me. I began laughing and laughing and I could not stand up. Everytime I tried I would fall to the floor again. The point here is that I was inevitably going to have that experience because it pleased the Holy Spirit to manifest his presences in that way. It didn't come out of a relationship with God.The manifest presence of God was felt by all regardless of our level of intimacy.

I can prophesy without having intimacy with God. I can cast out demons without intimacy with God. I can perform miracles without an intimacy with God. I can function in my gifting without relationship with the Father. His gifts are without repentance. (Rom. 11:29) But when I meet Jesus face to face he could look at me and say, "I don't know you" because I never pursued relationship with Him.(Matt 7:22-23)

Our Father is so good and loves restoration. I've begun to search for intimacy with Him and found He was right there waiting with a smile on his face a twinkle in His eye.

I'll still do good works, the presence of God will still manifest on me but most importantly my Jesus will know me.

First Truths

Kris Valloton talks about a study that showed whatever we first learn about a subject we will always compare against what we’re told about it after. I don’t know how to word that better but here’s an example: If you are first taught that God created the earth when you go to school and they teach you about evolution the evolution teaching will be bounced against what you were first taught about creation. What you are first taught you are likely to believe your whole life. 

There’s an elderly woman I know, a christian for most of her life, we’ll call her Beth. As a child Beth was often told by her mother that she hated her and wished she was never born. Beth grew up and became a pastor’s wife who helped and counselled many over the years. She has been loved and cherished by all. Her walk with God impacted and changed lives. Many have gathered around her as she’s aged to care for her and love on her. Because of the rejection she experienced as a child she has never felt the love people have for her. She lives in a state of perpetual rejection. If you say you love her, she’ll say, “I don’t think Jim does”. If you invest time in her she’ll tell you Jane never comes around. She lives in a state of poverty and lack of love because she was first taught she was unloveable.

65 years of serving God, healing the sick, delivering people from demons, caring for the orphan, the widow, the poor. And yet unloveable. 

Beth is a worshipper. She could be found many times pouring out her love and adoration for God, with tears pouring down her face. And yet unloveable.

She’s been diagnosed with cancer multiple times but cancer can’t live in her body. Each time she would receive the diagnosis she would begin to thank God for his goodness and the next time she went back to the doctor it would be gone. And yet unloveable.

Beth was first taught that sickness had to bow to the name of Jesus so she believed that God is good and sovereign and in everything we should give thanks. Beth had faith for the healing the cancer in her body but not the cancer in her soul. She was first taught that she was unloveable and all the love poured out towards her has bounced off of that.

I would challenge you that there are truths our spirits were first taught and they trump the things of the mind and body. Listen and remember what was really first said about you, “I loved you before the foundation of the world. I was the first one to love you. Before your parents even knew you existed I was lovingly creating you in your mother’s belly. I know your name! I’ve counted the hairs on your head! Who else can say that?” 

Close your eyes and think back with your spirit man and hear the first words ever spoken over you: “I love you.” Let the Holy Spirit guide your memory forward again and begin to bounce all the other words off of that truth. 

Can We Linger?

My life, a novel being written. Co-written, by me and the Father. I try to let him do most of the writing but my free will dictates changes at times.

I sit in my house full of empty shelves and full boxes. Ready to move, ready for a new chapter. But can I just linger a moment before we turn the page?

Flip back to ten years ago when Dwayne and I purchased this house. I was pregnant with Lydia. Pregnant for the last time and loving every minute. Surrounded by toddlers and preshcoolers- little Destiny was 4, Faith 3 and Gracie 1. The chaos and the blessing of those days. Homeschooling, then off to work at Goodness Me, girls attend BCS, Faith plays sports, Grace's friends teach her about relationships, Lydia loves and is loved by all, Destiny blooms, Destiny has graduated!

Can we linger?

Kimberlee married, nieces born, Hannah lives with us, Jared lives with us, Christmas’s, Thanksgiving, silly times and serious times with my family. Hannah married. Memories. Good times!

Freedom House days…doing life and ministry with covenant friends: Dave and Krissy, Brian and Sharlyss, Steve and Nicki, Trevor and Sara and many more. Being challenged and stretched. Frosty Fest, Living Nativity, Fusion, Leadership team. Prayer nights with Marty and Sara, Leanne, Curtis. Life changing! Part of something bigger than myself, for the glory of God.

Flip forward a little during those days and enter the Reimer family. Can we linger? Hot tub chats, small group, worship team…friends who are like family.
Worship team, Sarah Y., Jamie, Jim, Alisha, Dallas, Nadine, Wanda, Renyck, Jeff, Sara H., Leanne and others.

A year and half now at Lakemount under the anointed teachings of Matt Tapley; healing, hope, dreams restored. Reconnecting with Jonathan and Crystal.

Can we linger?

10 years is a lot of history. 

Beloved

Memorable

Cherished

Growth

Change

Death

Life

Each chapter is labeled “More than You Could Ask or Imagine”

That’s what my life has been.

I’m excited for what’s ahead. 

But can we linger just a moment more?

The World of the Awakened

They say the world is round. They say that if you travel far enough in one direction that you’ll end up back where you started. Have you tried? I have. I’m here to tell you that there is an end. There is a world that looks a little like ours but perfected in every way.

I was very young when I ran away. 

I was very young when I went searching for the end of the world. It didn’t take long to find out that the reality we live in is just a dream. Within this dream is a map of the other world, the world where we wake up. I know, you feel like this all sounds very mysterious, like a sci-fi story. It’s not. It’s truth. Many people have been there. You know them. They’re the crazy annoying ones. They’re ones that challenge and offend us. We want what they have but we’d rather sleep. 

It’s not a restful sleep or a sweet dream. It’s more like a hamster on a wheel, a lunatic banging their head against a wall. 

The signs pointing to the other world are everywhere. There are whole books written! Instead of following the books we change the words to match our dreams.

But I’ve been there and I don’t want to come back. I want you to come! I want you all to come.

Oh wait! I said the other world was perfect. It’s not. There’s one thing: I’ve seen you there. You’re asleep. Despite trumpets blaring, thunderings and singing, you sleep. I can’t feel sad there, no one can but I do wish you’d wake up.

I was very young when I ran away. 

I read in a history book that there was this man who came to our world, the dream world, and he walked among us awake. He interrupted our dreams to show us how to get to the world of the Awakened. We loved him and then we hated him and killed him. He loved us anyway. Even though he died he came back to life, he made a way to get to the end of the world and wake up. That’s what the book said. The book said that because he was awake that we could be awake too. He said that we would wake up others. He said that we would lead many people to the end of the world if we would believe the history book was true.

Even though I was young when I read the story, the hamster wheel dream had already tired on me. I longed to be awake!

Where were the people who could lead me there? I got the history book from The Dreamer’s Library. Had the people there been to the end of the world? The world of the Awakened? They gave me more books and I ran away to find it.

I know it’s tiring searching for the Awakened Ones so let me just tell you, there are many houses they claim to live in but when you go they’re all sleeping. One time I entered this house, you’re welcome to, any one is. The lights were all on, there was music playing. I entered the great hall and the Awakened One there was telling a beautiful story that should've woken every one in the room but they just slept on. It was hard to understand. I wondered if it was the air. I don’t know. Maybe I was just grasping. We all heard the same message about the world of the Awakened. Why did everyone want to sleep?

I zigzagged my was across the globe. I met many like me. It’s true! I’m not crazy. You understand that you are, right? You the sleepyhead, you are crazy. I met many like me. We traveled together and found the end of the earth, the Awakened Ones.

It’s perfect here (other than you sleeping). People are happy, healthy. We all prosper in every way. No sickness or pain. Ha! You don’t believe me! You think I’m dreaming. 

How can I wake you up? Will you pick up that history book again?

 Guess where the end of the world is? ...Just open your eyes.

“…your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven…” (Matt 6:10)

Testimony: The Story of a Girl...

This is the story of a girl. She cried a river and drown the whole world...

Awhile back this lady came into the health food store I work at with her grand daughter. The unusual thing was that the little girl wept through the entire shopping trip. Not a bratty I-want-candy kind of thing. It was the kind of cry where your heart broke and the tears just came. There’s no sound, no chest heaving, the tears just pour out. That was this girl. She silently cried following her grandma around the store. I just wanted to hug her and take away whatever was grieving her. 

Her grandmother brought her over to the supplements and explained that her granddaughter, Ella could barely attend school because she cried so much. The doctors had diagnosed her at 7 years old with an anxiety disorder. The grandma was hoping that something we sold would prevent her from going on medication. "Righteous indignation" rose up in me when she said that. I knew the label “Anxiety Disorder” would stick with that young girl her whole life. It would shape her, it would shape her interactions with people, it would lead her down a road of heavy medication, possible drug addiction, maybe even suicide. I felt God speak to me and say that, “They see weakness, I see strength”. He told me that she was sensitive and could feel the feelings of all those around her. That He gave her a gift of compassion. I felt such an urgency to pray for her and tell her what God sees. It seemed inappropriate with my coworkers standing there. I didn’t know how the grandma would feel. What if I just silently prayed for her? We did our best and recommended the supplements that we thought would help and they proceeded to cash. I saw them cash out. I saw them gather their purchases. I saw them walk out the door. The whole time, I couldn't shake it, I need to pray for her. I left my desk and followed them outside.

“Excuse me, can I pray for her?”

The grandma says yes. I bend down and look into that tear stained face and tell that girl that she is strong and special. That she is sensitive because God gave her a gift of compassion. I tell her that whenever she feels overwhelmed by the sadness that she just needs to tell Jesus and he will help her. Then I pray, the grandma thanks me and they leave.

I think about Ella and pray for her sometimes. Last week I was thinking about how great it would be to know if she’s doing better.

Yesterday a woman came in looking for flu medicine for a child. I showed her some products and she exclaimed that she loves homeopathic medicine because of what it did for her granddaughter. She explained that her granddaughter used to miss a lot of school because of anxiety but this year she hasn’t missed any, “She’s a whole new person.” I asked her if her name was Ella. Yes it was. 

Ella! Healed, transformed into a whole new person! Thank you, Jesus! 

Between Ella and I we know why she’s healed. God loves children and can speak to them so easily. I have no doubt that he’s begun a relationship with her. Don’t get me wrong. I do believe that the supplements we sell are effective. They help the body to correct itself rather than just masking symptoms, as allopathic medicine does. But it saddens me that the grandmother put her faith in the medicine. The supplements we sell do not make someone “a whole new person” only God can do that. 

Bless you, Ella!

Special is the New Normal

"What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead." James 2:14-17

Talk about stating the obvious! Faith without works seems ridiculous in the context of James 2. The majority of us feel we could give clothes to someone who was naked, or make a meal for someone who was hungry. Do we also feel that we have healing to offer the sick? Do we also feel that we have deliverance to offer those who are bound? Ah! But we can offer those things as readily as a coat and a plate of food! Jesus said that those were the signs to show we believe in him. (Mark 16:17) Living that way is normal, not special.

I am convinced that there are no extra special christians. All christians have the ability to heal and deliver and show the love of the Father to people, in Jesus name. The only thing that sets one christian apart from another in terms of authority and power is their willingness; being willing to lay down reputation, money, pride, sin...; to lose the world and gain your soul (Matt. 16:24-27)

Joyce Meyer --> willing
Bill Johnson --> willing
Reinhardt Bonke --> willing
Heidi Baker --> willing
Every christian who's ever stepped out in faith and seen the miraculous --> willing

Not special...Willing...Willing to take the entire word and put their faith in it; believing it to be true and living it out.

Faith without works is dead; faith without willingness is useless.

This is basically a call to "accept Jesus" for those who already have Jesus. I know you feel it! A call to something greater. A burning feeling that there is something more than just having your personal life blessed by God. 

After 34 years of being a christian I have decided to accept Jesus. I began to observe a global movement. No longer are christians waiting around in churches to be banged with special abilities from God in order to go out and do his work. But there are christians who believe that everything they need is already in them; who decided that it's normal to look for ways to love on people with the love of the Father; meeting their needs. Who are seeing the "greater things" Jesus talked about, as part of their everyday lives. (John 14:12)

Faith with works...Willing.

One Thing

Grieving the past and feeling anxious about the future is a waste of time. How many years have I sung songs and prayed prayers that told God that he was the one thing I desired, the only thing I need; that he could have all of me? Yet when it really counts I waste energy focusing on everything that is unsure.
Today I'm choosing to focus on my eternally good and loving heavenly father. He is now and has always been a refuge, my strength, the keeper of my destiny and my friend.

What an Ash!

I wish my faith was a weed. 
As I look at the trees surrounding my yard, two out of five are giant 30 foot weeds. Scientists say they’re trees but native Ontarians know that Ash trees are actually weeds! Their branches are laden with a ton of seeds. Of all the trees that surround our yard theirs is the only seed that takes root and begins to grow. When you try to pull them up you’ll find the root system to be disproportionately larger than the tree, running deep and connecting with the other seedlings.
Psalm 1 says that in order to be firmly planted and to bear fruit, I need to meditate on God’s word. Jeremiah 17 says that if I put my hope and confidence in the Lord that, my roots will go deep and find water; when life gets hard I won’t have to fear or be anxious.

Growing up I was told to “read your bible pray every day and you’ll grow, grow, grow.” It was also implied that if you didn’t daily read the bible and pray that you would be left behind when the rapture came. That was enough to strike the fear of the Lord in me! I never missed a day or else I spent the next day repeatedly asking for forgiveness of my sins. Looking back on that I think I missed the point of it all. It wasn’t all about making it to heaven, it was so that, here on earth I could make an Ash of myself; living a life that is strong and deep and satisfying; that grows and multiplies, spreading like a weed that can’t be easily uprooted; that provides shade for others. That I would live the life of someone who knows their heavenly Father and does what He does. (John 5:19, Matthew 12:50) 
My hope is that more and more people will look my life and say, “What an Ash!”

Sunshine, Lemonade and Money

Ah! I’ve just spent the afternoon brainstorming business ideas with my young entrepreneurs. Brainstorming business ideas is one of my favourite things to do. To think your idea could be a seed that produces harvest!  I love it! It thrills me! 

I was remembering way back when…Macs Convenience had a sale on 1l cartons of lemonade. Naturally my friends and I decided to start a lemonade stand. It was myself and three friends and my sister Kimberlee and her two friends. My friends and I parked ourselves across the road from the store, in front of an apartment building. We sold our lemonade at 50 cents a cup. We made about $5. My sister came back with about $28…She parked herself to the left of the convenience store, in front of a closed up shop. Her and her friends put on clown costumes to attract even more attention. When they needed more cups and lemonade they walked right next store. Brilliant! Somehow I convinced her, her friends...and my mom that we needed to combine our profits since we had a lemonade stand on the same day…and then I performed a hostile takeover and cut my friends out of the business. The next day my sister and her crew joined me beside the convenience store and we sold lemonade like crazy!
I have better ethics now.

Ouch! Ouch! Brian Beattie!

Ouch! Ouch! Brian Beattie!

This blog will seem very vague to some if you didn’t attend Freedom House on Sunday. Let me just say that our pastor brought a word about Kingdom finances…Need I say more? You know that means he talked about tithes and offerings, about being generous on all occasions, on being good stewards of what God’s given us.

These messages ‘ouch’ for different reasons. If you’re stingy then they totally offend you. If you you’re in financial trouble they remind you you’ve been a poor steward. Tithing is a good rabbit trail subject that leads back to…well tithing. I’ve never created so many excuses and justifiable reasons not to do what is right than when it comes to tithing. And if you think that tithing is old fashion, then new fashion dictates you give it all, so…

Where do I fall in all this? For the most part I love giving. It thrills me! Tithes! Offerings! Gifts! 

Then sometimes money feels like a huge rock pinning you to the ground. When you hear a message on giving it just feels like added weight. Circumstances, poor stewardship whatever the reason for the big rock, it makes it really hard to give. I get it, I do! What I’ve come to realize is that this, especially, is not the time to hold tightly…this is a “give or die” situation. If I don’t take this stewardship stuff seriously, if I don’t get some good seed scattered out there there’s really no way I’m getting up from under this weight…Sowing and reaping is a law of the kingdom wether we believe it or not.

You are My Greatest Romance

My God,
You are the greatest romance of my life. It’s amazing that you didn’t just create the universe and abandon us for other projects. You care about all of creation. You have individualized plans and desire intimate relationship with each of us. Amazing!
Over a month ago I felt you prompt me to get a resume ready for Goodness Me. As usual I ran ahead on what I thought this meant. I assumed that since thus far I’ve been led to homeschool, the job I was applying for would be part-time evenings. I went only so far as to hope for a job as a cashier there. 
The week I finished my resume, Goodness Me posted that they were hiring for a Healthy Living Advisor position. A full time position. This rocked my world. I laughed, I cried, I was excited, I was sad. This would mean the end of our homeschool journey. A journey that taught me so much. It built my character and strengthened my relationship with my kids. I learned humility, patience, discipline, organization and more. At the same time, this job would fulfill my passionate pursuit of healthy living, my desire to see others achieve optimal health, and it was after all what I had been studying for. 
Friends, Lord! Good, godly friends. I don’t think I could’ve obeyed with such peace without the people you have enriched my life with. They’ve prayed with me, counselled me, and cheered me on the whole way!
The process has been a long one. The job closed…I waited…one week later I had a pre-interview phone call. They left me with a “we’ll call you if you get an interview.” I thought I’d hear back shortly; in my mind I gave them a week and then I would know. I figured You wouldn’t lead me this far without an interview. One week passed and nothing. Remember that morning where I sat on the chair and shook my fist at you crying, “how could you disrupt my life like this? Dangling the perfect job in front of me just to be let down…” Finished with a “your God and I’m not. It’s still better to obey.” Once I quieted myself I heard you say, “I saw that this job was coming up and I knew you would be interested in it. That’s why I had you get ready.” I was overwhelmed with the romance of it all! The God of the universe looking down on me and watching out for my interests? What? God you are too sweet! Later that day I got the call! 12 days later I would have the interview!
You told me to brush up on studies, to prep for the interview and to fast. I took it serious. I studied the company and wrote out and practiced interview questions in front of the mirror. I say all that to say even then, when the weekend before the interview came you told me just to enjoy the weekend, to rest and put the studying aside. How thoughtful and wise is that?
Last night anxiety, a migraine, fear and negative thoughts tried to crowd in on me and again those great people you placed in my life rallied around me. They prayed and spoke words of encouragement and I felt peace. And do you know how many were especially thinking about me today? I could feel their support, Lord, and I’m so thankful. Would you bless them? Show me ways that I can be a blessing to them too.
My children too Lord! What a capacity for love you have placed in them. They’ve been so encouraging to me in going after this job. They keep telling me how happy they are for me to have the opportunity to pursue something they know I’m passionate about. How about Lydia? This morning before I left she said, “Mom, I really excited for your interview. Not just because I want to go school, but because I know this is something you want to do.” Wasn’t I so worried about them in the beginning? But you have a romance going on with them too and I know you’ve been speaking to them. 
First thing you said to me when I opened my eyes was, “Go get ’em tiger!” This was both encouraging and humorous. I love that about you; you get me! The interview went well. I remembered how you said you would go before me, and stay after me, and give me favour. That thought has been my comfort this last week. You know just what to say.
Now I wait again and that’s okay. I’ve got you and you are peace. Your love and kindness toward me overwhelm me. You are the love of my life!

Love Yours Truly,

Trina

Waiting

Waiting

I’ve grown up with stories of provision. My grandparents were in the ministry, most often in rural communities. My grandma says there were days when she would walk down the stairs from her room and say things like, “Lord, if we could just have a roll of toilet paper.” Soon after a farmer showed up at her door and sheepishly handed the pastor’s wife a roll of toilet paper. “Lord, if we could just have a bag of beans. I could do so much with a bag of beans.” Soon there were groceries on the front porch and amongst them a bag of beans. God is faithful. God provides.

Too often I worry without praying; I don’t think to ask, I just wait for answers. This time as I stood by my kitchen sink remembering my grandma’s faith I asked God if we could have some meat. We had the veggies and some rice but if we could just have some meat and maybe some eggs, I could do so much with that. Almost immediately I had the impression of going to Freshco at 12:30 the next day and seeing a man with a white hat, who would give us meat. I’m familiar with God speaking to me with impressions like this.  And I know it’s him when I just can’t shake it. I woke up still thinking about it the next day. You should know, I’m fine to pray for strangers in the comfort of my home. I will pray for and be generous to my family and friends, but to engage a stranger in public, because God asked terrifies me. And to engage them in this way! What was I to stand in front of the store like a beggar waiting for meat? Did I have to go up to the first man with a white hat and say, “God said to buy me some meat.” Oh goodness!... But I have a motto, “You may feel afraid, but you don’t have to be afraid. Do it afraid!” I also began to think that if I didn’t show up and this person was learning to hear from God and they were meant to bless us I didn’t want to discourage their faith. Still I sound much stronger, and calmer than I felt. I’m not quite expressing this properly. I went through waves of fear, doubt, embarrassment. All the things you would feel if it was you....ya I felt that. So I called a friend, who I knew would pray for me. She was excited and  encouraged me to go to see what would happen. We prayed that the man would have courage to obey God’s voice and would know that he heard from God. We felt that I wouldn’t need to go to the man and ask but that he would know he was sent to meet me. I got off the phone feeling great anticipation.

Off to the grocery store I went for 12:30. I know how you want this story to end. Me too. I stood outside waiting for my provision, feeling a little pathetic, a little vulnerable. I stood in front of the grocery store looking like I was waiting for someone and I was. Lots of men with white hats. I smiled and made eye contact with them all.  One man with a white hat kept looking at me and I at him but he never came over. At 12:45 I left. 

I’m still confident that it was God’s voice I heard, or else I don’t know what his voice sounds like at all. Which I don’t believe. On my way home as I thought through the experience what I felt was a grieving. A grieving for all the people waiting. Waiting for us to obey when we hear God’s voice, waiting for us to be his hands, his feet, and his heart. I have a feeling I won’t be so afraid next time God asks me to engage a stranger. I have a feeling that my fear will be replaced by an urgency and my doubts and questions replaced by boldness. I will not leave them waiting.

Do it Afraid!

LISTEN!
"You may feel afraid, but you don't have to be afraid. You can keep going forward with your knees shaking and heart pounding and say, "God is with me. He will never leave me nor forsake me, and I am going to do everything that I need to do. I will not fear. What can man do to me?" (Psalm 118:6)" Joyce Meyer
DO IT AFRAID!

The funny thing is that when you tell yourself to "Do it afraid", courage rises up. My friend and Pastor, Brian Beattie once reminded me that the enemy can't touch us. He said that fear is just a yapping dog at our heels. I always tell that to myself when I'm afraid and I imagine myself kicking them off!

There's probably very little in life worth doing that doesn't first make us afraid. I don't give all the credit to the enemy either. I think fear is there to make us stop and think before we act. When pursuing the purpose of your life, this is where "the most important thing about you is what you think about when you think about God"(A.W.Tozer) becomes key, this is where truth meets up with the lies, and freedom runs up against our "safety" systems; this is the process that determines how long before we agree to the fulfillment of our destiny.

I personally have desired and dreamed my whole life of seeing people healed from sickness, and doing those "greater things" Jesus talked about (John 14:12-14). I've been held back by fear and reason every time there's been an opportunity outside my church. It's part of my destiny, the Holy Spirit is in me to accomplish these things. I guess if I'm going to do it, I'm going to "Do it afraid"!

Once we accept that fear is not going to leave before we first take action, then fear's power changes hands. "You may feel afraid, but you don't have to be afraid." J.M.
Fear doesn't own or control you. You control you!

DO IT AFRAID!

Daddy!

What does the innocent child want from his Daddy?
Standing before him he doesn’t ask for food, Dad takes care of that. He doesn’t ask for clothes. He doesn’t ask for a shelter over his head, he lives in his Daddy’s house. These things are provided without request from the child. It doesn’t cross his mind to ask for those things. The innocent child hopes stands there hoping his daddy will pull him up onto His lap. He sits there warm, contented, quiet. He Listens to Dad’s heartbeat, the bass in Dad’s voice, as he leans his childish head against his chest. It is a place of security; there is complete trust. The innocent child shows Daddy his boo boo and tells about the kids who call him names. The boo boo is healed with a kiss and the names are cancelled out by the higher thoughts of the Dad.
Then the child asks for a treat because there’s really nothing else to ask for; Daddy already supplies the rest. Dad laughs and pulls out a handful from his pocket.
The child thanks his Daddy and lightheartedly skips away. The Dad smiles and calls out after him, “Now make sure you share with your friends!”